{"id":3355,"date":"2020-05-25T20:19:24","date_gmt":"2020-05-25T20:19:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.heartbasedmedicine.org\/?p=3355"},"modified":"2025-09-23T11:55:23","modified_gmt":"2025-09-23T09:55:23","slug":"modeling-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.heartbasedmedicine.org\/en\/modeling-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Modeling Love"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cSamuel please\u2026\u201d I called the name out into the waiting room, as if it was packed with families waiting their turn for an appointment. But it was unnecessary.<\/p>\n

During the COVID pandemic, there is intentionally only one patient waiting at a time. A mop of brown curls popped up from behind his mother. The little boy of about two years, dressed in Oshkosh jeans and a T-shirt, looked back at me with bright curious eyes: at the same time both skeptical and interested.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood morning Mrs. Van Trapp,\u201d I greeted the mother. \u201cHow are you today?\u201d In her mid-30s, Ursula Van Trapp was well-dressed: in sparklingly clean jeans, recently ironed, with a thin gold belt, expensive leather shoes with a little bit of heel, a crimson silk blouse and a string of pearls around her neck. Her husband works in finance, and she has put aside her work as a real estate agent to stay home with her toddler.<\/p>\n

\u201c Thank you, I\u2019m fine. We are all doing quite well, even during these strange times.\u201d \u201c Excellent.\u201d I smiled. \u201cThat\u2019s great to hear. What brings you in today?\u201d \u201c The thing is, doctor,\u201d she started, hesitatingly, \u201che\u2019s really difficult these days. I\u2019m running out of batteries and energy.\u201d \u201cWow.\u201d I replied, as we took our seats in the consulting room. \u201cAnd why do you think that is?\u201d \u201cHe just constantly says \u201cno\u201d to everything I say. Whatever I do\u2026 It\u2019s just \u2018No\u2026 No\u2026 No\u2026 No\u2026 No.\u2019 He runs around like crazy all day, opening all the drawers and tearing stuff out of cupboards. I feel I need to be on alert and vigilant all the time, just to prevent accidents from happening.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWow,\u201d I said, with genuine sympathy. \u201cThat must be very tiring. I remember when we had the twins, it was a really intense time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u201d She said with new animation in her voice. \u201cYou had twins? Oh my God. I can\u2019t even imagine how I could even deal with double what I\u2019m experiencing right now. Like I said, he\u2019s completely out of control. He doesn\u2019t want to sleep at night, he gets very restless and jumps up and down on the bed. Then, as soon as I want to leave, he clings on to me. It\u2019s really difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI totally understand what you\u2019re saying,\u201d I smiled. \u201cI recognize all of it from my own life. The twins used to really cling onto Jessica, my wife, so she got the brunt of it \u2014 and I must admit I got a bit of a hall pass. But obviously you are very close to him, so he turns to you, and then you feel it\u2019s a burden. I see this with so many mothers who have kids your age…\u201d<\/p>\n

She seemed to tear up, just a tiny bit, at the edges of her eyes. \u201cSo I\u2019m not alone in this?\u201d \u201c Far from it!\u201d I laughed. \u201cYou are in very good company.”<\/p>\n

He seems to be exploring his boundaries right now. It\u2019s what people often call \u2018the terrible twos\u2019.\u201d \u201cOkay\u2026\u201d she said slowly, as she absorbed this new perspective. So what should I do? When he wants something, and he\u2019s screaming, and getting louder and louder, how should I respond?\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a pause, as I took in her question. Then I turned to her. \u201c Let me ask you something,\u201d I said quietly. How many times do you use the word \u2018no\u2019 with him? Like, \u2018no, don\u2019t do this. No, don\u2019t open the drawers. No, don\u2019t run there\u2019. How often do you say \u2018no\u2019 to him?\u201d She didn\u2019t reply to me. I could see that the question was sinking in, and she looked back at me a little sheepishly.\u201c Is there any possibility that he might be learning this habit of \u201cno\u201d from you?\u201d Again, she didn\u2019t answer. But I could tell that the question was landing deep.<\/p>\n

\u201cWould you be ready for a little experiment?\u201d I asked her. \u201c I guess so\u2026\u201d she answered, with hesitation in her voice. \u201c I want to invite you simply to pay attention to your own breathing. You don\u2019t need to change it, you can just notice the in-breath\u2026\u201dI paused for a few seconds, \u201cAnd the out breath.\u201d We continued to observe the breathing, just as it is, for two or three minutes.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, please inhale a little more deeply, and breathe out fully.\u201d Again, I paused for her to do this. \u201cLet yourself breathe a little more deeply, and a little more slowly than usual.\u201d Another long pause.<\/p>\n

\u201cImagine that you are breathing in and out of your chest and heart area. As you do this, allow yourself to remember a memory from your life when you felt completely at ease, a great sense of well-being both within yourself, and in the environment. Remember a time when you felt completely loved, in deep appreciation and gratitude. Let me know when you have a memory like this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another pause. \u201c Yes, I have something like that,\u201d she whispered. \u201c Excellent,\u201d I said. “Can you allow yourself to drop even more deeply into this feeling? Notice how it is in your body. Now you could even let go of the image of the memory, and just stay with this feeling of deep love and appreciation.\u201d Ursula Van Trapp smiled, and continue to breathe deeply. Her cheeks relaxed and became more full of color. Shoulders dropped, and her breathing continues to slow down. She almost seemed to be glowing.<\/p>\n

I turned to look at the boy. He had become very quiet. Slowly, he crawled up into his mother\u2019s lap, as I was still guiding her through this exercise, and cuddled up very contented. We continued in this way for no more than 10 minutes.<\/p>\n

When she opened her eyes again, I asked the question. \u201cI don\u2019t know what your beliefs are. Do you have any sense that you and he affect each other through your energetic state, not just through words and behavior?\u201d \u201cMaybe\u2026\u201d she said. She was still looking slightly disoriented from this exercise. \u201cI think there\u2019s something like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMany people believe this. We call it \u2018resonance\u2019. When someone is angry, or upset, for example it affects people even before they say or do anything. Equally, whenever anyone is in a really good mood, feeling contented and happy, it becomes kind of infectious.\u201d \u201cI can see that\u2026\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

Samuel was still curled up in her lap, very contented. I gestured towards him with my eyes, \u201csomething seems to have changed in him, as you were doing the exercise, right?\u201d She nodded, and smiled. \u201cIf a stranger like me can help you bring this change in just a few minutes, do you think that you could also do this on your own?\u201d Again, she nodded timidly, and smiled.<\/p>\n

She brightened and looked hopeful. \u201cOne more thing, I asked. \u201cNow that you can feel this way of being with your son, if you could go back to a moment when you might previously have said \u2018No,\u2019 what would you say now?\u201d \u201cI think I would offer him another activity instead that could allow him to release energy. Like climbing on the frame in the garden.\u201d \u201cExcellent!\u201d I replied.<\/p>\n

*<\/h5>\n

When I went to medical school, I was trained to write prescriptions: almost always for pharmaceutical drugs obtained from the pharmacist in little bottles. Sometimes I would write referral notes to see a surgeon, or for medical tests. But often it is these kinds of prescriptions that make the most difference: supporting my patients to change their inner state. I have to write myself the same kind of prescriptions every day! This is, in a nutshell, is the basis of Heart-Based Medicine.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This story tells the importance of supporting patients to change their inner 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